Tips for Increasing Intimacy in your Relationship

Here are some tips that I have learned along the way for increasing intimacy and closeness in a romantic relationship. Over time, we can start to take each other for granted and get caught up in the stress of dealing with life and intimacy can end up on the back burner, but if the love is still there, intimacy can find it's way back into your love life.

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-Relinquish Some Control. I think when we feel like we have to be in control of everything to make sure our needs are being met and we use a "if you want it done right, do it yourself attitude", we compromise intimacy. We add stress by feeling like we have to take it all on and we can undermine our partner and their efforts to contribute and help us out. So let them help and just relax while doing your part, which doesn't have to be doing everything. 

I think the most rewarding and also challenging ways I've used this technique in my relationship is with parenting. It's difficult not to interfere when it comes to my child, but I had to let go and realize it's not that big of a deal if my son's father gives him an extra cup of juice. He's competent and capable and he loves our child as much as I do so I just have to relax and not let little things that I would do differently stress me out. Not unless I want all of the responsibility on myself because I correct or criticize his methods. 

-Express your Gratitude and Appreciation. It's so easy to take people for granted, especially as the years pass. We don't even realize we're doing it. We just get used to that person being there and doing what they do. Chances are, the person you love is happy to do things for you that make you happy, but if they don't feel like they are appreciated, why should they continue? It's important to be aware of what you are grateful for about the person you love, because it helps you to feel content with your relationship by focusing on what's good about that person instead of their flaws. This makes you more willing to be intimate and more receptive to intimacy. It also makes your partner more willing to be intimate towards you when they feel they are loved and appreciated.

-See your own Needs Met. Do something for yourself everyday even if you only have a few minutes. Take some time to do something fun or relaxing to improve your mood. When you feel stressed out and rushed, it's hard to make time for intimacy and to be open to it when the opportunity presents itself.

-Recognize Opportunities for Intimacy. Even if we are craving more intimacy in our relationship, it can be hard to recognize it when it's right in front of our face. You don't have to share all of your dreams (again) or have a huge planned romantic evening or weekend away to see more intimacy in your life. There are opportunities for it everyday when you or your partner open up about your day even if it seems mundane or you do small things for each other. It's an opportunity to appreciate each other and express gratitude, therefore increasing intimacy.